The return of Januworry

Not so long ago (literally 40 days ago), I had a weekly column in Namibia's second biggest newspaper.  Every Friday was a happy day, because a brand new edition of the chronicles would be out. Yes, I had a spin off column which shares the same name as my blog (sue me!). There was no hype or over exaggeration, just pure unfiltered creativity. I was allowed to be myself, I earned myself my own niche as a social commentator who told his truth in sarcastic humour (excuse the self-ego rubbing).  

So I thought I would reward my ardent followers with a little something-something.  Introducing, (Drum roll please) the return of Januworry.  

The month of January or Januworry for most is devious. It is more deceptive than the push up bra and low cut jeans put together. Nothing is what it seems, people be keeping up appearances but undertaking the most drastic cost cutting measures on the sly. Like suddenly switching from Orange Juice to Oros, apparently because they are trying to keep it real. Januworry will humble you, it will hit you harder than a teenage boys penis in the morning. People are so broke that they stay an extra hour at work to use the office internet for personal downloads.  Being broke in January is as normal as a pastor driving a range rover sport (if that even makes sense). That's what you get for spending the whole of December living life like it's a continuous party.  Januworry is real my friends, you go over to a friends for dinner and you'll realize that the taste is bland. No traces of tomatoes or onions to seduce your taste buds, because no one cooks with ingredients in Januworry.  Ain't no one got time or money for that.  

Your friends start calling you, urgently needing to see you. These are the same friends who you could never get a hold of in December because they were busy.  “Working on an end of year report”, they said. But then pictures of them waving their bonus cheque while surrounded by a bevy of yellow bone girls would pop up on Facebook every second day. Yes, these are the same friends who will call you to borrow money, claiming to be experiencing temporary financial drought.  The same friends who you will see later that day in the club popping bottles with your money.  The audacity of broke (financially constrained) young people is beyond comprehension. The worst part is eventually you are going to have to borrow your money back, before it becomes like those tools the neighbour borrowed in 2010 and never brought back. With friends who treat you like their personal bank,  who needs enemies?

The most undeniable proof that Januworry is in full swing is the empty fridge.  Where as in December it was stockpiled with booze and comfort food, in Januworry finding traces of food in the fridge is like trying to find water in the desert. Most fridges will be so empty that you can hide a couple of terrorists in there, fugitive Lazarus Shaduka and still have enough space for a set of golf clubs.  Then there is the back to school hustle.  If you haven't bought school supplies for a kid before,  then you know not the meaning of the word "Hustle". Back to school is the financial disaster equivalent of Christmas and Valentine’s day combined.Not even making primary education free for all can change that.    

You know how guys break up with their girlfriend's on February 7th so they can avoid buying valentine's day gifts.  Well,  guys break up with their side dishes/chicks in Januworry.  It's a financially motivated action and in both cases you just crawl back to her after the storm passes, you can claim temporary insanity (everyone does it). In the end Januworry is pretty much like high school and university,  no one really cares how you made it out. The only thing that matters is the fact that you survived and have the rest of the year to look forward to.

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