Complex mind of an emotional retard

If scientists were bored and perhaps decided to mess around a bit and invent a device that delves into a persons mind. Deep into the thought centre of a human being and perhaps decided to try it on me, then they would find scary things. I'm talking scary on the loch ness monster to anaconda to Godzilla scale, yep! That scary! When I mean scary, I mean very frightening. Nothing like those wussy vampires in twilight, more like count Dracula scary. This is the part I stop rambling and get back to making my point.

It is my belief that most of my emotional and psychological damage is self inflicted. In short, I fucked myself up! Mostly due to the fact that my brain refuses to shut down and goes into overdrive during emotional turbulence. My brain just refuses to go off even when its bedtime leading me to devise activities that tire me out like an out of shape Benni Mcarthy. Deep inside my mind lies a little island patrolled by terminators with firewalls and fortifications that make gringots bank look amateurish. Once I retreat and lock my feelings on that Island, I am emotionally inaccessible. The dumb thing is I also won't call anyone, or text them, although I will get bored and post the occasional tweet. Which in itself has fucked up a lot of friendships with a lot of people, who now assume that I'm ignoring them. Which is not the case, I just prefer to deal with my bullshit in a manner where I am detached from people. If people were made in factories, then I would have been sent back for faulty emotional coping mechanisms, absent mindedness, occasional loss of temper and a lot of other shit that I don't have time to mention.

This is the point where a smarty pants is gona suggest that I bottle my feelings. Right and wrong, I don't divulge my feelings to people until I am ready to deal with people, however that does not mean I bottle stuff. But I do divulge to one of my many notebooks which in itself is bottling into an inanimate object. It's not that I want to wallow in self pity and torture myself instead of moving on but at times a little bit of solitary is what I need. Nothing more annoying than someone yapping and trying to catch your attention when you just want to make them magically dissapear so you can feel what you need to feel, be it pain, be it dissapointment, be it anger.

And now if you will excuse me, I am gona go call someone who thinks I've ignored them for five weeks to try and explain where I've been without being branded the douchebag I already am (In their opinion).

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