Tales from the Corner - Gone till Movember

November is like a rebound girlfriend, always underappreciated and quickly forgotten. Only ever remembered at 23h59 on a Saturday night during a desperate booty call, the only reason November exists is so we can countdown to December; ah December! The fun filled festival of activities that usually coincides with wedding overload, but we will get to that (patience). Thank god my Novembers no longer mean sleepless stress filled nights and examinations so intense it will make the blood in your brain clot. November has been dedicated to relaxation, rest and catching up with friends.

Every time I bump into an old class mate, one of my juniors or just someone who knows me, the conversation always deviates in directions that I don’t want it to go. If it’s an ex, I usually run! (That’s a joke by the way; I am not that juvenile, not yet). Person X (let’s call them that for now), usually greets politely and remarks on the amount of time that has passed since they last set eyes upon me. It usually goes something like this “Hi, you look good, your hair has grown”. I smile while letting them touch my dreadlocks *dames always love touching the hair* then kindly return greetings. Proceed to throw in a sarcastic remark or two, usually along the lines of “you have grown”, while pointing at their hips, bosom or if it’s a guy, their protruding beer belly.

The next question always makes my dark side do a little back flip; my light side struggles to restrain it. Person X asks “Where are you now?”. Ever polite as I am humble I usually reply “I’m here, talking to you or do you want the exact geographic location south of the equator?”.  Person X replies “No silly, where are you working?”, at this point person X starts scanning me from head to toe and asks “You are working right? Because you are still skinny (the same), you haven’t changed”. In my head I’m like *bitch please! I am sexy*, but as always I try to restrain myself and usually say “I am working for this little company  whose name means red river in Spanish and I’m on a diet”. Person X then responds “Oh, so you work for Rossing? Don’t be silly skinny people don’t diet”, in my head (the voices in my head are now talking to me) I’m like *okay, now you are pushing your luck a little bit and the appropriate term is slender, skinny is mean*. So I try to explain it the only way I know how, with a little pinch of sarcasm. I usually put it this way “Were like MTC and Rossing is just one of our mobile homes, but we all work for the same Company”. 

At this point person X says their goodbyes and I’m off to whatever I was doing. I’m not saying I don’t like meeting up with old friends, nope! I’m just saying that calling people skinny is asking for it. Not all of us will get chubby and gain weight when we start working, not everyone’s cheeks puff out like a blow fish when they start working. Some of us have high rates of metabolism and exercise a lot. Gaining weight quickly is not necessarily a good thing, because you will struggle to lose it when you finally realise that a beer belly (if you are a guy) or love handles (if you’re a girl), or even vice versa or both is not sexy. 

That being said, if you were bordering on anorexic during your varsity days, gaining a few kilograms might be a good thing (result is that you now look normal, like me). Several times I’ve met up with girls who were “slender” back then but now have hips, thighs and curves so defined that it’s politically incorrect not to look and silently go “Damn girl! When did you grow those? Maybe I should have looked at you just a little longer in varsity”. Call me a hater, as I have been branded a few times. All I am saying is I have a problem with being called skinny; I had enough of that on my high school basketball team, apparently I was so thin that I could dribble through the eye of a needle. But that is a story for another time.