Once upon a time in Otshipanda – I blame Alex

Friendships in the modern world are like soccer contracts, not worth the paper their written on (can someone say Fernando Torres). But a brothership is a bond that cannot be broken, it’s a rock that stands the test of time, of course blood relation does help.

When I was five and a half, No! When I was four and a half. Wait! When I was between the ages of four and six, I went to Otshipanda to visit my aunt Pauline and her late husband Mr Leonard Shapumba, actually it was my aunt who went to visit her sister I just tagged along coz Alex was gona be there. The Alex I’m talking about is Alex (T)Shapumba a.k.a chubbiness or Paa Alex is we have now christened him. It is to be noted that me and Alex were child prodigies of sorts extremely smart but yet with a healthy appetite for getting into trouble and entertaining each other, we were never bored. And we never spent longer than 2 weeks in the same place till we got to varsity and the escapades at varsity are stuff movies are made of; well let’s leave that story for another day.  Every time we got together something memorable would happen.

The memory of my little brother crying because Alex hid his clothes just came to mind (when swimming watch where you put your clothes), lucky for him I was wearing a really baggy t-shirt which covered him like a dress till we got home. My little brother still has not forgiven us. But this happened after the tale I started telling you at the beginning.

So I went to visit Alex’s house and the customary greeting the elders and getting your head rubbed and cheeks pinched like an exhibit or a monkey at a Zoo was particularly long that day, look at how much he has grown! Which was pretty obvious in my case, since last time I was at that house I was too young to remember. Then the fun started. As I was in my new clothes we could not play anything that involved getting dirty, well we pretty much could not do anything because there is nothing fun that two boys can do without getting dirty. 

So we were stranded with the elders, then it got exciting, the food came. Finger licking marathon chicken, Alex attacked like a hungry lion. To which my aunt started boasting about how quick I was picking up English, so some genius (Alex) continued attacking the chicken at which point his mom suggested I show off my English at the table by describing what Alex was doing, believe you me it was gruesome it’s lucky that the chicken was already dead. Alex was unstoppable, he cleaned all the meat off until he was left with just the bones, but he did not stop, he continued attacking. 

My aunt (Mee Pauline) was still waiting for me to describe what her son was doing. So I confidently opened my mouth and spoke “Alex you must stop...uuuuhm”. I paused for a second, blood was now rushing and panic was starting to insure, I had just forgotten the words “chewing bones”, So my statement was incomplete, not to be discouraged the elders urged me on. I went into full-on panic and my brain went blank. I had forgotten the words, so much for my good English. I had to save this moment and make everyone laugh, I had to do it. Then I uttered those famous words “Alex ta soko soko omasipa”, pandemonium broke out, the dogs started barking, the birds fell out of the sky from the laughter, people started laughing so hard some fell over in their chairs, okay Im kidding about the falling over part. But it was hilarious, ChrisRrock would have been proud. That was the first time I broke English and it was probably the last time as well. 

That day is engraved into legend; none have forgotten it (all those who were present still remind even when i really don't want to be at times). Of course over the years we have had added more legendary moments to our collection of gaffes and Kodak moments, the toast at my graduation party comes to mind but that is a story for another time too.

Don't ask, shit is classic.