To worry, or not to worry


If you are reading this, then congratulations, you are currently halfway through the 7th week of Januworry – one more to go. You have almost completed your atonement for the sins of December. No self-created affliction teaches you more about yourself than Januworry, you learn the kind of survival skills that urban legends are built on. 

At my age, Januworry is slightly different, different age groups Januworry differently – some worry more than others. I’ve even heard rumors that white people don’t Januworry at all. I’ve suffered three kinds of Januworry that I would like to share, get the popcorn, here goes.

The three levels of Januworry


Level 1

This type of Januworry is common in the early to mid-twenties, it is the repercussion of spending most of December sitting on top of a cool box and drinking as if alcohol is a food group. This is the type of Januworry that quickly cures FOMO and financial recklessness, once bitten twice shy. It is also the most curable form of Januworry, one shot of salary in the 7th or 8th week and you’ll be fine.

Level 1 is characterized by symptoms such as an empty fridge, drivers who never ever walk ditching their cars for exercise, slay queens shopping at Mr price, and it is the only time of the year you will see cockroaches migrating from Hochland Park to Kleinne Kuppe.

Level 2

This viral strain of Januworry effects all age groups, it is the result of severe financial irresponsibility, level 2 is what happens when you spend your salary and your bonus like you just won the lottery. Living a champagne lifestyle on a Coca-Cola budget. The kind of stupidity that leads to debit orders bouncing back, and grown men and women forgetting to buy stationery and uniforms for their kids, this one hits hard. Harder than viral influenza. This is the kind of Januworry that will tempt you into selling your Iphone at Samsung galaxy prices. 

Level 2 is characterized by borrowing to cover the shortfall and dangerous liasons with cash loans, this has been made worse by FNB’s introduction of short term loans at their ATM’s. We go to church and ask God, “Lead us not into temptation, deliver us from evil,” only for FNB to put the same temptation at our fingertips, damn you FNB!

This type of Januworry usually persists into Februworry, it only starts dissipating in March. 

Level 3

For the first time in my life, I have suffered from level 3 Januworry. This particular type of Januworry is caused by economic recessions, it’s the only type of Januworry that you can’t prevent, it’s out of your control. That is why it hurts, it hurts in the worst way. This one is only survived by people with healthy savings and investments.

Due the hangover of the global economic downturn, successive recessions, and a generally shitty financial outlook, many people suffered indignity of not receiving their salaries over the festive season. I had to explain to a few people that I had promised Christmas gifts that the economy stole their Christmas.  This kind of Januworry puts fear in the hearts of those of us who have experienced multiple retrenchments, it keeps us up at night. It is the kind of Januworry that you don’t wish on your worst enemy. 

Whichever level of Januworry you’re suffering from, I wish you the best of luck, may the force be with you. Let this be a lesson for your dumb ass to start budgeting and spending wisely.

Stay out of trouble.

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