What is in a dream?



I opened my eyes, I looked up and then left and right. I saw nothing in the half darkness that filled the room, it blocked out most of the light emanating from outside. I was so drained that it felt as though I actually had a physical confrontation with something, something that keeps invading my dreams. Now I know how Harry Potter felt when lord Voldemort invaded his mind, raided through his thoughts and then went on to attempt to twist and unhinge his mind to unbalance his mental equilibrium.

As my breathing lowered itself from gasping for air like someone was trying to suffocate me (which coincidentally was what happened in the dream), to the normal short breath in and short breath out. I collected myself long enough to realize that there was fuckery going on here, fuckery of the highest order. For all I knew I could still be dreaming, dreaming about waking up from a dream. Was I having a dream within another dream? It was either that or I had clearly watched inception one too many times. All I knew was that someone was messing with me, clearly trying to initiate some level 1 mind fucking and twist my mind from slightly crazy to absolutely loopy. I am not really paranoid but this time I started trying to connect dots, every little misfortune that I experienced appeared to link to another one to create an elaborate plan of misfortune that was wished upon me by someone else. Yes, a scientist with three degrees was doing what a scientist never does; I was starting to believe in the supernatural. Call it magic, witchcraft, juju or the dark arts. All I knew was that there was fuckery at work here, fuckery of the highest order. A dream is just a dream, but re-occurring dreams are more of a sign, a disturbing sign that some bad shit is about to go down (or maybe I'm paranoid, evil spirits really?).

My dreams where the one place where happiness existed unrestricted, but since the turn of the year even the sanctity of my dreams is not guaranteed. The answers to these questions burden my mind to the point where the easy way out didn't seem like such a pussy move anymore. After all University of Free State vice chancellor Jonathan Jansen tweeted that "do not judge those who commit suicide, they may be the most honest amongst us". If life's shit, what's the point of living it? Dilemma or blowing things out of proportion?

How do you write, how do you smile, how do you cope when you can't even sleep peacefully anymore? As my eyes tired and I drifted off to sleep I recited this in my head "no weapon fashioned against me shall prosper while I'm under the lord’s protection". I will not go quietly into the night till the almighty decides that it is my time, till then I remain unmoved, I remain strong.

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