The unsuspecting moodle

Life is not a walk in the park, not by any stretch of an over active imagination. In life you must be strong like the bones of a marathon chicken. Life and everything involved in it requires a certain level of self belief and confidence, you must have the confidence of Julius Malema dodging corruption charges. Otherwise you will become an unfortunate victim of the dog eat dog world that we live in, the food chain that is modern society teaches an individual to always be one step ahead (thinking on your feet).

Let’s apply this to interactions between young men and women. The possibility is high that out of every five gentleman reading this post, six of them have fallen in like with a lady who was genuinely caring towards them as a friend but just never looked at them as a potential partner. Noticed I said like and not love, simply because love is stupid, blind and will result in you losing your mind (side effects of too many broken relationships). I’m sure the guys will feel me on this one when I say that sometimes you meet a girl that you like, you develop feelings for her. You do almost everything to win her affections, you even write poetry (Okay maybe not that far, but yaa’ll get the point). She has no problem spending time with you; she’ll even go on dates with you. But somewhere down the line you realise that you’re in a one sided like because one day she will introduce you to her friends as “My special friend/Buddy", sending thoughts of jumping off a bridge swirling through your mind.

If you are smart like me, you would have carefully confronted her (you surprise her and use reverse psychology on her ass!), but in a non confrontational manner and reveal your feelings towards her and inquire if the feeling is mutual. If you are one of those guys still hoping she likes you and you have no idea where you stand with her, then you my friend are better off just jumping off the short plank that is uncertainty and into the endless abyss that is the friend zone without getting pushed. When this happens you have been turned into a moodle, I’m sure there is a smart ass reading this that went “OMG! Fly just misspelled the word poodle”. Nope! I did not misspell the word poodle, if you like a girl who is not sure about you and she is still not telling you where you stand but she won’t dump you in the friend zone, then you my friend are a moodle. Do not even try to give me that “Were just good friends for now, but she will come around” crap, been there done that and got my confidence blown to bits for it. Just face reality you are a moodle.

Let’s switch perspectives for a moment and pretend we have boobs, long hair and the confusing hormones Oestrogen and that other one (forgot my biology) running through our bodies. Women are creatures that are very simple, even though men make them to appear like a double integral calculus problem. Girls are never unsure about men (at least the normal ones that I know are, I have no idea about the rest), she likes you or she likes you not. If she does not like you, she will be polite about it but to save your feelings she won’t say anything, she will try her best to subtly tell you that you aint getting none! But women being the hormone fuelled enigma’s that they can morph into are also unpredictable at times; she does not like you but will keep you around for the attention. Women crave attention (worse than vampires crave blood and tiger woods craves sex), they need someone to listen to them and make them feel loved and wanted. (For the gentleman only) If you still thinking that I’m bull shiting, then try ignoring a girl you not sure about for two weeks. For the first time in your history of interaction she will call you and ask “why you ignoring me?”. She has no use for you in particular but wants you around for the shoulder to lean on and the free affection when some other idiot messes with her spirit and self esteem.

Let’s get into some technical stuff shall we, the Mecca of modern knowledge that is UrbanDictionary.com  defines a “moodle” as a man-poodle, of which women like to walk around with, play with, and show off to friends. However one must never do the moodle. In retrospect the moodle is that poor guy who gets a huge hug and is tortured by the scent of a woman’s perfume when what he really wants is a lip locked, tongue swirling, buttock grabbing, breast fondling French kiss. I will not point fingers here, nope I will just do the “follow my eyes but don’t look now” if I could I would side eye all women who do not have the balls to tell guys the truth but instead turn them into a moodle. I will however not punch women in the vagina (we all know that a kick in the balls hurts much worse), because I know that as a man you should be smart enough to know what you want and if you not getting what you want then put your hand up and speak my nigga! Or you will be that unfortunate young man who ends up being told all the relationship problems but all you get is a dry friendly kiss on the cheek.

Let me sign off by saying that the universe works in karma, maintaining a balance of good and evil. So in essence every girl that turned a guy into a moodle is just indirect payback. Every girl that turns you away is the universe's way of saying f*** you on behalf of that girl that was desperately dying for you and would have sold her left ovary for a chance to be with you, but you refused to give her the phallus and you ignored her because she was flat chested, her nose was too big, she was a confused born again or her eyes were too Chinese like. So instead of crying and bitching that love does not love you, just sit down and chill your guava! You had it coming. Treat other homo sapiens they way you want to be treated, but be careful because karma can be a vengeful bitch.

Imagine this but in the form of a grown man, that's a moodle!