The one that got away

Ahem! *cough..cough* after a few serious blogs I thought it was time to lighten the mood a little and throw in my trademark sarcastic humor. So those of you expecting a serious post about life and the complexities involved should sit down, relax and chill your guava ( ˘˘̯), like the insatiably bubbly @bubbs07 says (If you are not following her on Twitter than I don't know what you're doing with your life).

I learned a lot in varsity, 2 billion years of geology and the usefulness of Google being two of those things. But there were a couple of classes that I missed, classes that I was too busy with geology to have attended. Those classes include ; How to pick up girls 101, How to date Multiple girlfriends 101 and 102, How to control your temper 101, 102, 201, Pick up lines 101 to 301 and Women whispering/Body language and unspoken words analysis 101 to 301. So as you can see I missed out on quite a lot, that contributed to my social retardation. When it comes to girls, I was as useful as a virgin at a sex orgy.

One thing that I did have was reasonably good looks, even with acne trying to spoil the party I was still facially appealing *rubs ego*. But I had the self confidence of an Arsenal FC player, my self belief was like Gervinho's hairline ; very far from where it should be. Very often the reason why people with talent only show it in glimpses is that they don't believe that they are capable of doing it regularly, other people know that this person has potential but the person is holding him/herself by undervaluing their own capability (a.k.a selling themselves short).

Let cut to the chase shall we, all this foreplay type introduction and painting a pretty picture can be boring. In 2008 I met a Herero girl on a bus (Name withheld for security reasons). Those of you oblivious to Namibian tribal politics should know that Herero's don't like Owambos, especially Wambo men mingling with Herero women. The worst thing is that the only people who know why the hatred exists are all dead, not a single person alive today knows exactly how the animosity laced dislike between the two tribes started. But knowing the deceptive and greedy mannerisms of old men it was probably over cattle.

Now back to the girl (your mind should be changing scenes like they do in the movies). Her asthetic beauty was above average, what really iced the cake is that she had the inner beauty to complete the package. She had grace and humility that compensated for her sometimes over the top slapstick humor. In short she was my poison and my kryptonite rolled into one delightfully curved package, a tall but intelligent and witty woman who just happens to be insatiably beautiful. I didn't usually experience surges of hormones that made me slightly muted, but around her I did. I was like a love struck teenage boy on his first crush.

It's unusual for me to have a deep conversation with a beautiful woman, usually because beautiful women don't usually come equipped with deep conversation skills (pardon the stereotype). But she had it on locked, it was a matter of time before I fell for her and I did. But that is where the romance ends. Ever heard of that song that goes *Nope! I'm not gonna sing it, chill your Guava already ( ˘˘̯)* "if you really love somebody then you've got to let them know about it"?. That song is the truth, declaring your feelings for someone is important. However that song doesn't say anything about fear of rejection, that my friends is a bitch that could hold the incredible hulk in place and stop him in his gigantic tracks.

I froze, I guess my testicles just shrank when I realised I'd fallen for someone who might or might not feel the same way. Not knowing was more comfortable than facing the fear of finding out. It was a sad sad situation that I found myself in, it came to a head one summer night in October. Summer nights in the khomas Hochland are cool with a delightful breeze, I'd spent 12 hours (08h00 - 20h00) in the geology lab struggling with the academic monster that is structural geology. I was tired and needed comic relief, so I headed back to the hostel. I knocked on her door and for once her room was not filled with a million random characters, opportunity presented itself. Somewhere in the middle of an engaging conversation, she turned towards me and looked me so deep in the eye I could see the reflection of my face in her eyes. So close that are noses touched, at that moment in time her lips were screaming "Kiss me you idiot", and I just froze. Till she probably realised I had the romance equivalent of stage fright. 

That opportunity never presented itself again. I just drifted into the background and became one of the many random characters that always sorrounded her (makes me laugh thinking about how much of a pussy I was). In my desperation I decided to write her a letter and slip it under her door but with the number of random people that frequented her room like it was a pub, the possibility of it falling in the wrong hands and being used to publicly embarass me was terribly high (Bunch of guys finding a love letter you wrote to a girl is like begging for a public roasting, if the girls found it it would be worse because you would be roasted and become gossip fodder), so that plan never saw light of day. So I wrote down my feelings in my notebook, which is probably gathering dust somewhere under my bed. 

Eventually I realized that it was not doing my confidence any good hanging around her, so I kept my distance. Figured it was better to go elsewhere pick up some dating experience and come back to apply it second time round. Life does not work that way, you snooze you lose! I had descended down a slippery slope into the friend zone, once that tag is slapped onto your forehead there is no going back. You become that guy to whom she complains about her relationship drama (after that happens rest assured that you ain't getting nothing).

Not taking that lying down, I took notes and avoided that mistake in my pursuit of a slender little girl that made my leg shake (sometimes dating sounds like a form of hunting). Which got even more complicated after she went a little Britney spears meltdown on me. But that particular story is for another time.