What would you do if you weren't afraid?

Ask yourself that question, what would you do if you weren’t afraid? Sounds simple enough, but this is a loaded question, the simplicity is only on the surface, dig deeper and you’ll find a complex maze of thought provoking questions. Ask yourself this question a few times and you’ll realise that you won’t like the answers.

I’ve been asking myself this question a lot, mostly in the mornings, because I can’t recognize the facing staring back at me in the mirror anymore. He looks like me, faded tribal marks, wild beard – when untrimmed. He brushes in the same sequence as me – bottom teeth first, spit one and rinse. He even sings like me – carrying a tune haphazardly. However, he is not me. He is afraid, he is apprehensive, he’s like a caged animal. 

I don’t know how I became afraid, maybe it’s the repeated failures. If Adulting was a video game, then I would be on my last life. I don’t know how I became afraid, maybe I became comfortable? I ruled that option out, because my life has been so tumultuous over the last 5 years, I wouldn’t even know what comfortable looks like if it sat next to me. I don’t know how I became afraid, maybe I got lost? Somehow in my pursuit of what I thought was success, I started drifting and lost complete sight of what I set out to find in the first place. Yes, that’s it. I failed and then I became lost. I am inundated with a feeling of being completely adrift in every aspect of my life. All I know is, I’m afraid, and I hate the feeling.

“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.” – Sven Goran Eriksson

My mood gets gloomier as I compare twenty something me, with now thirty something me. The twenty something version of me was incredibly cautious, but not afraid to take a risk. He took bold decisions, most probably because he knew that the only way for me to reach my potential was to start afresh, go somewhere where the history of my failures and stumbles wouldn’t stalk me, somewhere where the only thing that could hold me back was myself. Twenty something me could pack life in a bag and fearlessly go to seek a great, he was not scared of the unknown, it intrigued him. Thirty something me and twenty something me clearly wouldn’t get along. They’d blame each other, the latter would insist that it’s the former’s fault, he’s the reason I’m afraid. Perhaps he has a point. I am inundated with a feeling of being completely adrift in every aspect of my life. All I know is, I’m afraid, and I hate the feeling.

“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.” – Raymond Lindquist

What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Relocate and move to Spain? Start a business? Finish that degree? Finally write that book? Change careers? Pursue your crush?

“A man of courage flees forward in the midst of new things.” – Jacques Maritain. 

It also takes a little bit of craziness to be courageous. At some point, we all have to face our fear and do what needs to be done. Eventually, I’ll have to pack my life in a suitcase again and flee towards new things. Fear kicks in when you stop moving: move sideways, take a step back if necessary, but never stand still. That’s when fear sneaks in and takes you.