2015 – The funny, funnier, and the not so funny.

Hello?

It’s me. I was wondering if after all this time you’d like to meet.

To go over 2015.

They say time’s supposed to heal ya, but I ain’t done much healing.

When I start a post with an Adelle song, best believe that it has been a dramatic year. When do I even begin? This year has been a year for Presidents. They have kept us thoroughly enthralled, and at times incredibly amused. 

From falls, uhm stumbles, well how do I put this respectfully to President Robert Mugabe. Let’s call it temporary lack of coordination, it triggered a tsunami of memes on social media that had us drowning in laughter for a good week, I am going to ignore the fact that he read the wrong speech in parliament, age is just a number but eventually it will catch up with you. Ably assisting in the comedic department has been South African President Jacob Zuma, this time he didn’t even need Julius Malema to assist. Zuma’s new technique or lack thereof when it comes to reading amounts with more than six figures in them, have sparked a tsunami of hilarity – it’s like watching Mr Bean play soccer, in a speedo. Speech writers have started removing figures from his speeches just to help him out. 

Our former president Nghifikepunye Pohamba hasn’t been as funny as his aforementioned peers. He made news for more commendable reasons. Winning the Mo Ibrahim foundation prize for Leadership in Africa. Yes, that prize that dangles a ten million dollar carrot in front of African presidents to get them to hand over power democratically. Last but not least is incumbent Namibian President Hage Geingob. Initially starting well by declaring his intentions to tackle poverty and improve service delivery. His government has been crippled by the same corruption that puzzled his predecessors, he is not helped by a bloated cabinet and a team of advisors so expensive that they’re called the A-team. But somehow even with more advisors than I have ex-girlfriends the country almost went broke, okay, technically it was a minor cash flow issue but exaggeration is daily bread on this blog. 

Flying the flag high for women in science are Dr Helena Ndume and young researcher Johanna Amunjela. The former for winning the Mandela Prize, and the latter for ground breaking cancer research. But as always, there is a black sheep. That honour befalls honourable Doreen Sioka, our Minister of Gender affairs. She suggested that the solution to reducing incidences of Gender Based Violence was to bring back the good old days of Polygamy. Well, I don’t mind as long as Polyandry is legalized as well. I wouldn’t mind being a stay at home husband while the wife and husband 2 make the bacon. What more could I ask for? Stay at home perfecting my culinary skills, while burping babies and writing best sellers. 

2015 had its moments: Caitlyn Jenner’s big reveal, The Brave Warriors finally winning the Cosafa cup, Affirmative Repositioning and 200 000 plots, refugees fleeing ISIS, Russia annexing Crimea, more planes disappearing, and terrorist attacks across the world (Nigeria, France, Syria, Lebanon, Kenya). 

Personally it’s been a rough year. Times have been tough at Grammar Nazi School, I got my first D, the symbol not the actual D. My foray into mining was a risk, that hasn’t paid off as I would have wished. But I still picked up valuable experience and learned to blow shit up. It ended in my second retrenchment in 3 years, but maybe that’s God’s way of saying ‘wrong door’.

I woke up in strange places this year. 

1.     Casuality at Medi-Clinic, after getting knocked the fuck out by a piece of equipment.

2.     In my ex’s bed (don’t ask, it’s not what you think it is).

The weirdest thing someone said to me was totally out of the ordinary. A nurse told me that I have a small chest. “Must be nice for your girlfriend, you must be a joy to hug.” All this while hooking me up for an electrocardiogram after my famous ‘fainting’ incident, which I will repeat was nothing more than a short bout of dizziness. 

My productivity has been very poor when it comes to my writing. The worst in the history of the Chronicles of Fly, actually, worst is an understatement. Let’s settle for disastrous. It taught me that anything done in half measures will never be good enough.

I was lucky to attend a screen writing course, so I have the tools to write for film and television, tools that I intend to make the best use of.

I don’t really know how 2016 will turn out for me, but my objectives are very clear. I say objectives and not resolutions because the former sounds more serious.

1.    Put everything into my last year of Grammar Nazi School.

2.    Publish a short story collection.

3.     Stay out of trouble.

So from me to you: have a prosperous new year. May 2016 be lit!

PS: Can we please leave hashtags that don’t make sense in 2015? Please!

How I'll be entering the new year