Chronicles of Fly

Note: Unlike some of the barely believable fairy tales that I usually over exaggerate for dramatic effect, the following events actually happened. All of it is real and factual; the witnesses are all alive to validate my account of this particular escapade. Before I start telling this particularly humorous story, there are two things you should know about. The first is the TGV, referred to in French as “train a grande vittesse” which loosely translated to English means high velocity train. It is quite a marvel of French engineering; it’s basically a high speed passenger train that has quite comfortable first class seats. It is the world’s third fastest passenger train with a top speed of 570 km/h and an average cruising speed of 270 km/h. So to put that in perspective, you will need to somehow put together a Volkswagen Golf 6 GTI and a Volkswagen Golf R32 just to catch up with it at full tilt, so as you can imagine the TGV is one freakishly fast piece of Metal. You can Google it...

That green stuff is springbok urine I have seen a lot of scary things in my life, Like rebbeca black's music video for that hideous excuse of noise she calls Friday, Pendukeni iithana's swapo colored handbag, Dennis Rodman, Kim Kardshian and Ray J's sex tape (That was really scary), a french woman's moustache and my mother with a leather belt in her hand after I broke one of her new plates when I was 9 years old. But Most of that pales in camparison to the monstrous things I have been seeing recently in the Swakop River while I've been working. The Swakop River is an ephemeral river, which for those that think ephemeral is a Chinese word means that it only flows and has water when it rains. It runs from Central Namibia all the way to the west coast, it reached the Atlantic in 2010 if I am not mistaken. When it rains it is a swamp that reeks of danger and springbok urine, in the dry season it transforms into white quicksand that swallows 4 Wheel drive cars ...

  If there is one thing that humans fear more than death, then it can only be loneliness. How else would you explain why people have pets? Especially cats, I have nothing against those fur balls but I don't trust them, any domestic animal that can kill a snake is dodgy to me. In addition there is that scene in harry potter where the teacher transforms from a cat into her human form, ever since then whenever I'm around cats I have both eyes wide open just in case. There is nothing like being by yourself in the middle of the Namib Naukluft on top of a mountain to make your mind start convincing you that you are lonely (I was up there trying to find network reception in case you were wondering). No single event convinces you that you are lonely quite like heartbreak; you even ignore the existence of your friends. The same friends that helped comfort you and help you drown your sorrows when that creature they advised you not to date breaks your heart. I'm not saying that lone...