Relationship dynamics of the modern day era

Some wise words

Disclaimer: The mind of Filemon_Fly is not wired like that of a normal human male. The revelations below might shock you, kill you with laughter and leave you slightly confused. Read with an open mind.

I have been on what is generally termed as a break from relationships. The aftermath of my split from my ex had effects more far reaching than I had ever imagined (those eyes, it was the eyes). Anyways I have decided to get back on the horse, if you catch my drift. Unfortunately the dynamics of modern relationships have changed and my time in France has resulted in me getting left behind.

Before you embark on a new expedition preparation is necessary, one must do their homework first (can’t just dive in like a blind duck).The following is my homework, it’s a brief profile of possible candidates of the type of woman that a slightly nerdish, extremely dorkish, down to earth geek should consider as dating material.

1. The Seelima Type: Seelima is the girl that you liked when you were young but a lack of game and gross financial deficiencies prevented from making a move on her. She instead opted to date an idiotic, foolish mommy’s boy with daddy’s car and spare change in his pockets or even worse, a sugar daddy. Years later with game and a fat wallet in tow, you would then bowl Seelima over and ride off into the sunset (in your face sugar daddy!). Unfortunately that bubble has burst for me. While I was studying to improve my professional and economic options, sugar daddies and mommy’s boys were busy knocking up all my Seelima’s. This ship has already sailed and left me waving at it with my ticket in hand.

2. The Gal level type: Daphne for lack of a better name is the girl who was the ultimate catch, heels, extensions and make up that made the other girls look ordinary. The girl I never feared talking to and chatting up, but never believed she would give a geek a serious shot. The hitch in romancing Daphne was a clear lack of game and the fact that she dated higher up in the food chain, working class Casanova type guys. These days with my new found game in tow and my entry into the working class, I now consider Daphne as a serious option, as much as I have realised that beneath the makeup  lies a personality, she must now clearly understand that money and status can’t buy you love. Cassanova’s are good boyfriends but not husband material.

3. The ugly duckling type: every time a girl you obsess over a girl who does not give you light of day, know that you are giving out the same treatment to a girl that you really consider a genuine person but not pretty enough to catch your eye. Like the caterpillar has it’s metamorphosis into a beautiful butterfly, the duckling also transforms in a belle swan. The change is so drastic that at times I am left wondering “was I blind? Did I just not see this girl?”. However the problem now is that the swan has a suitor, a geek who was just too quick and beat me to the punch. What’s that saying? Women are like parking spaces all the good ones are taken and the rest are the wrong size.

4. The Jezebel/Kudu type/Dirty Kandeshi: These are the type of girl’s mothers warn their sons not to date; they are as fake as the weave they fix on their heads. They are like kudus, today they belong to the lion who catches them, but tomorrow they belong to the cheetah fast enough to pounce while the lion sleeps (I hope you understand this one). In the struggle (the education struggle) when you can’t even afford lunch they are nowhere to be seen, but as soon as they hear you got a cool job they start creeping out of the woodwork. I can tell you that I speak fluent hood rat, so I can spot a Jezebel from a mile away, but they are getting smarter and more cunning. I am not trying to badmouth them; I am just calling a spade a spade. I am a Kwambi and if she acts like a coat tail riding gold-digger with Brazilian hair then she probably is a coat tail riding gold-digger. Best advice I can give in this case is run and run fast.

5. The Ex: Going back to the Ex is such a female thing to do, but like I said my minds is not wired like that of a normal male. You honestly can’t blame me! Have you seen the eyes on this girl. A pair of eyes that could make an atheist a believer.

6. The Unicorn type: Unicorns are easier to spot but impossible to catch. Every man believes in the possibility of a truly mythical creature, one so perfectly beautiful that it does not seem real. I have a lot of unicorns, a lot of women who I have affection for but somehow considered myself unworthy of their love. Like they are too good to settle for me. That’s how I viewed it till today.

Decisions, decisions. Which ones to consider and which ones to cross of the list? The normal human male is scared of being alone, hence the multiple girlfriends. Then there should be something wrong with me, since I’m quite content on my own while trying to decipher and plot my next move in life. I am not scared of being lonely (you have a lot more time to think), it’s just that my mom’s (I have three mothers, most of you know that) want grand kids and I’m not getting any younger.

Women are from Venus, men are from Mars